


Phased Out

by mothmiilk



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Anxiety, Cigarettes, Cocaine, Crushes, Dirty Talk, Drug Addiction, Drug Dealing, Drug Use, Ecstasy - Freeform, Eventual Smut, Grinding, Jail, M/M, Marijuana, Mild Smut, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Panic Attacks, Praise Kink, Romance, Semi-Public Sex, Shotgunning, guilt tripping, shrooms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-24
Updated: 2017-01-12
Packaged: 2018-09-01 22:57:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8641444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mothmiilk/pseuds/mothmiilk
Summary: Ray is head-over-heals in love with MichaelMichael has some bad habits(Slightly based on the song Phased Out by Lawton on SoundCloud)





	1. Chapter 1

Ray took a deep breath as he headed down the alley. He had arranged to meet with his friend's dealer, someone that his friend, Gavin, trusted, but Ray hadn't met the guy before. He was a bit nervous. He had to be careful with new dealers. 

He felt a small bit of guilt wash over him, as it did every time he went to buy weed. It was something that was permanently pressed into his brain, the result of years of health class warning him of drugs and his mother pleading him to stay away. He couldn't, though. His anxiety was too much to bare with, and smoking a joint or two helped him calm down. 

Around the corner, behind the abandoned 7-11, he saw him. Curly reddish hair, freckles, pale, strong build. Just as Gavin described. He was waiting, sitting on the curb with his hoodie pulled close, gray beanie over his ears, and backpack over his shoulder. He took a deep breath before approaching.

"Michael?" He asked, hands in his hoodie pocket. The dealer stood up, smiling when he saw Ray. He felt his ears warm slightly. God, Gavin hadn't told him Michael was this attractive. Ray walked over to the man, smiling back slightly. 

"Hey! You must be Ray," He said, holding out his hand. Ray shook it. "Nice to meet you." 

"You too," Ray said. He felt the bag slip into his hoodie sleeve. Damn, that was quick. Ray didn't even realize it was there in Michael's hand. His hands went back into his pocket, slipping the small baggie into it. Michael slipped his backpack off before unzipping it.

"Gavin didn't tell me his friend was this cute," Michael said, smiling at Ray as he dug into his backpack. "If I had known I would've slipped in an extra joint, you know, bribery." Ray blushed. This guy sure was direct. "Though I guess good weed for a cheap price is good enough." 

"Thanks, I guess." Ray shifted his weight as Michael pulled out a case of cigarettes, pulling two out of the package. He handed one to Ray who took it questionably. He looked at the cigarette, finding a phone number sharpied on it with messy handwriting. 

"My numbers on there," He said, lighting his quickly with a white lighter, dragging in the smoke before blowing it out of his nose. Ray bit his lip at the sight of Michael's lips, smoke spilling out and flowing into Ray's lungs. Michael kept eye contact with the boy, smirking down at him. "Text me some time, cutie." 

Michael waved goodbye as he left, leaving a trail of smoke behind him. Ray felt his heart flutter as he quickly put the number into his phone. He didn't want to lose it. 

Ray left the alley in a daze, Michael plaguing his thoughts. He looked down at the cigarette. American Spirits. 

Pulling out a lighter, he lit his first cigarette in years. It tasted like smoke and sharpies. 

-

_Tuesday, 11:00 pm.  
Ray: Hey._

Ray set his phone down on the couch, pulling his blanket closer. The Wind Waker menu screen music played in the background as he ate 50¢ Ramen from the gas station. His phone vibrated next to him. Michael.

_Michael: Hey, cutie ;) About time you texted me._

Ray laughed. Of course Michael would be the kind of person to put a winky-face in a text. He quickly typed out a reply. 

_Ray: How are you?_

_Michael: Good, just smoked a fat ass joint with my boi Gavvers._

_Michael: He's out cold right now._

_Michael: What about you?_

Ray laughed. Gavin could never last that long on anything. Whether it was weed or booze, he was lightweight as hell. 

_Ray: Alright I guess._

_Ray: About to play some Wind Waker._

_Michael: HD or the og?_

_Ray: The old one man, I ain't got money._

_Michael: You have a game cube?!?_

_Ray: Yeah. Old as fuck but still works._

_Michael: I gotta come over soon then._

_Michael: I miss my game cube so much_

_Michael: What other games you got on there?_

Ray looked at his collection on his shelf. He didn't have a lot, considering that he didn't have a lot of money. Most of them were old, games his mother had bought him way back when. Others where stuff his boss gave him for free. 

_Ray: Super Mario Sunshine, Animal Crossing, Mario Kart_

_Ray: Shit like that._

_Michael: YOU HAVE MARIO CART?_

_Michael: HOLY SHIT_

_Ray: You okay there man?_

_Michael: YEAH THAT'S JUST MY FAVORITE FUCKING GAME_

_Ray: You should come over tomorrow then_

_Ray: We can play it_

_Ray: If you'd like._

He set his phone down again. Fuck, that was really direct. He hoped that Michael would say yes, but then again he had just met the guy. Michael could think he was a nark, a cop undercover, or just a shitty person. Not that he wasn't a shitty person. 

His phone vibrated once. 

Make that twice. 

_Michael: Fuck dude sure I'll stop by tomorrow._

_Michael: Shoot me your address, baby._

Ray felt himself blush at the pet name. Fuck, he was weak for this guy. Honestly, he was weak for most guys. He quickly typed out his apartment address, telling him to stop by anytime, since he was off work tomorrow. 

_Michael: See you then_

_Michael: Cutie._

Ray shut his phone screen off, tossing it next to him. He couldn't stop smiling. He had a date with Michael tomorrow. Michael might hold his hand.

Michael might kiss him. 

Ray covered his face with a pillow. He was acting like a fucking teenager. This wasn't high school anymore. Kissing isn't that big of a deal anyway. Just a press of lips together. Soft, red lips to his. Hands on waists and hair gripped-

Nope. 

Now is not the time to think of this. He had an apartment to clean, a floor to vacuum. He had to shower and buy actual food for once. Did Michael drink? Ray couldn't think of the last time he bought beer, probably back in college. When did he last do laundry anyway?

Ray sighed. He needed to calm down. This was way too stressful than it needed to be.


	2. Chapter 2

A knock on his door stunned Ray out of his dissociative state. He hadn't expected Michael to get here so soon, yet there he was behind his door. 

Ray stood up, double checking his apartment one more time before opening the door. Michael smiled at him, beer in one hand and the other in his front pants pocket. 

"Ray," Michael said. He walked past him into the apartment. "Nice place you got here." He set the six pack onto the coffee table. 

"Thanks," Ray said, standing next to his tv. He watched as Michael sat himself down on the couch, slipping his backpack onto the floor in front of him. He slipped off his gray hoodie, Ray biting his lip at the sight. Fuck, Michael's arms. Ray was sure he was going to die. 

"So, wanna play some Game Cube and hit some blunts?" Michael asked. He smiled, and Ray couldn't say no to that. 

"Oh uh, sure." Ray changed the TV to component, turning the Game Cube on. "Mario Kart?" 

"Of course." Ray grabbed two controllers after putting Mario Kart in. He handed one to Michael and sat next to him.

Michael reached into his bag as Ray chose the level and his character. Michael pulled out his baggie, joints filled to the brim. Ray laughed slightly. 

"Looks like we're set," Ray joked. Michael laughed. 

"What do you mean 'we'?" He teased. "You're going to have to earn your weed." Ray rolled his eyes, reaching over for the bag, but Michael quickly pulled it over his head. Damn, curse his short stature. Michael laughed at his pitiful attempt. 

"Wow, Michael," He says, pretending to be hurt. "I invite you to my house, and you repay me with no weed?" He crossed his arms. "Rude." 

"Oh, you'll get your weed, baby," Michael smirked. He leaned in close, right next to Ray's ear. "Just not in the traditional way." 

"What do you mean?" 

Michael laughed. He pulled out one of his joints, lighting it with his white lighter. 

"Ever been shotgunned?" 

"Are you asking me if I have ever been shot?" Ray asked, raising an eyebrow. "With a gun?" Michael snorted.

"No, smartass. Come here." Michael breathed in the smoke from the joint, grabbing Ray's chin and pulling him close. Ray could feel his cheeks flush. Michael's thumb pulled his lips apart. 

"Wha-" Ray felt smoke being blown into his mouth slowly, he gasped, smoke filling his lungs. Ray closed his eyes slowly. He heard someone whine, high pitched. Wait, was that Ray?

"Fuck, that was hot." Michael pulled away slightly, his thumb still on Ray's lip. "You even fucking whined, Jesus Christ." 

"Shut-" 

"Can we do that again?" Michael interrupted. He was staring at Ray's lips, pupils slightly blown. The Mario Kart theme was still playing in the background. 

"Yeah." 

Michael smiled, putting the blunt to his lips again. He kept eye contact with Ray. 

Leaning in again, Michael cupped Ray's jaw this time, his mouth opening slightly. Trails of smoke escape from their mouths as Michael breathes out and Ray breathes in. Ray pulls back and coughs, leaving Michael to blow the rest of the smoke away. 

Michael sits back long enough to take another pull off the joint. Ray leans in to share the smoke between them. It goes smoother this time, and when Ray whines around a mouthful of smoke again, it sends heat down Michael's spine.

Lungs empty, spice just beginning to buzz again, Ray decided he would let Michael do anything to him as long as it felt this good.

 

-

Ray couldn't believe he was losing. At his own house. On his own GameCube. Hell, he was even playing Waluigi! Michael was in 5th place as Peach, and Ray was in 10th. They both sucked, so to say, but Ray seemed to suck more. 

"Ha!" Michael said, finishing his last lap. He set his controller down, watching as Ray struggled to finish. "You really suck at this." Michael laughed, leaning back to watch him finish. 

"Shut up, man." Ray frowned, concentrating on trying to finish. Michael smiled. God, he was cute. His hand slowly moved to Ray's thigh, resting it there. Michael could see Ray's blush from here. 

"You know," Michael said when Ray finished his last lap. "You're really cute when you're all red." His hand slipped down farther, fingertips rubbing his inner thigh.

Ray's grip tightened on his controller. 

"And," Michael said as he leaned in closer. Ray turned to look at him, which was a mistake on his part. Michael's eyes were glassy and dark, a smirk planted on his lips. "I think you're-"

Michael's phone rang in his pocket. 

"God damn it- fuckin- god damn phone," He cursed as he fished it out from his front pocket. Ray turned away, ears and neck flushed red. 

Michael pulled out a flip phone, checking the caller ID he sighed. 

"Hello?" He answered, voice angry. "What? You want some now? Can't you wait like five minutes? No, of course not you fucking crack head hold on." He snapped it shut, sighing as he grabbed his backpack. 

"Gotta bounce?" Ray asked, avoiding eye contact. 

"Yeah, sorry. Got a deal to run to." He headed towards the door, Ray behind him. Michael stopped at the door, turning around to face Ray.

They stood at the door awkwardly, unsure of how to say goodbye. Unsure if they even wanted to. 

"Thanks for having me over," Michael finally said. 

"Anytime man." 

Michael stared at Ray for a second, biting his lip slightly. He sighed, one hand dragging through his hair. 

"Fuck, come here babe." He pulled Ray closer to him by his hips, one hand cupping his chin. 

Michael slowly leaned in, lips softly touching Ray's. He tasted like weed and cigarettes.

Just as soon as it started, it was over. 

"I'll see you around, Ray," Michael said. He smiled at him before leaving.

"Bye," Ray said. He watched Michael walk down the stairs until he was gone. He slowly shut the door. 

Ray's hand went to his lips. He still felt Michael's warmth on them. He wobbled to the couch, knees a bit weak from the kiss. He sat down slowly. Ray knew he was fucked. He hadn't had a crush since high school. 

Ray laid back on the couch, feeling something soft pillow his head. He pulled it from under him and lifted it in front of his face. 

Michael left his hoodie here. 

Ray had Michael's hoodie.

Ray slipped it on slowly, feeling like Michael was still here, holding him. Ray laid back down, pulling the hoodie closer to him. He decided that he really, really liked Michael.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is gonna be pure smut y'all get ready

Ray had always wondered what real relationships were like with normal people. Did they go out on dates? Did they hold hands and kiss in public? Were they sickeningly sweet to each other? 

With Michael, he didn't have the pleasure to know what that would be like. He assumed that it was fine, he had fun with Michael after all. He loved him, and he assumed Michael loved him back. 

Normal relationships weren't for Ray, anyway. 

Michael stood at the door, just like last week. In his hand, a baggie stuffed with dried mushrooms. 

"Hey, baby," He said, dimples showing through his smile. "I got us something." 

"Oh?" Ray followed Michael to the couch, shutting the door behind him. Ray sat down next to him, watching as he opened the plastic bag. "What is it?" 

"A bit of magic," Michael said, he handed the bag to Ray after he grabbed one. "You'll love it."

Ray glanced down at the bag anxiously. He'd never done anything besides kush, and even then it wasn't that much. He looked up at Michael again. 

"I don't know..." Ray mumbled. He heard of people having bad trips and freaking out, panic attacks and psychotic symptoms. He didn't want Michael to see him like that. 

"Baby," Michael said, picking another up. "It'll be great." His thumb pulled Ray's mouth open slightly. "Open up." He felt the shroom being pressed into his mouth, fingers next to it. His face heated up as Michael watched his lips. 

Fuck it.

Ray chewed the mushroom, wincing at the taste before almost swallowing it hole. Michael soon followed, eating two at a time and handing another to Ray. He ate another without hesitation. 

"Tastes like shit," Ray said as he ate his third and last. Michael laughed, his dimples peeking through again. Ray felt his heart flutter at the sight. 

"Usually I put them in something," Michael said, sealing the bag back up and placing it in his backpack. "But didn't feel like it this time. Make the trip last longer, you know." 

He didn't know, but he trusted Michael. 

He trusted Michael with his life. 

An hour later and one short drive to McDonald's, Ray knew the effects of the shrooms were in full blast. 

"Fuck, dude," Michael said, laying on the short table. His legs were dangling off the side. "You seeing this shit too?" 

Ray looked up to where Michael was pointing. Colors seemed to pop out of the tiled ceiling. They swirled around each other slowly. Hypnotically.

"Yeah," Ray said. Michael sat up quickly.

"What time is it?" He asked. Ray pulled out his phone, struggling with turning it on. The home button kept running away from his fingertips. Finally, he pressed it. 

"Uh, 2am. I think?" At least that was the brightest thing on his screen at the moment. Michael jumped off from the table, the workers behind the counter watching them amusingly. 

"Follow me," He said, grabbing Ray's hand and practically dragging him to the bathroom. He heard a giggle from a tired worker as the walls blurred past him. Why were they going so fast anyway?

Somehow, he ended up in the bathroom with Michael. He didn't remember the door opening or being pressed aginst it, but there he was. 

"Ray, Ray, Ray," Michael repeated. Ray felt the words against his neck. He shivered. 

"Michael," He whispered. Michael's lips pressed against his roughly. He felt hands on his hips, squeezing. Ray kissed back. 

Michael nipped his lip, and Ray opened his mouth with a moan. Michael slipped his tongue in quickly, running it around Ray's and pushing him against the door harder. Ray's hands moved to Michael's hair. It was soft against his fingers as he saw stars behind his eyelids. 

The redhead kissed across Ray's face, down his jaw, and to his neck. Every press of lips sent waves through Ray's soft body. His hands tightened in Michael's hair, a soft groan escaping his throat. 

"Beautiful," He whispered into Ray's neck. He bit down, sucking as Ray whimpered in his grip. "Gorgeous," He mumbled, kissing the red mark he left. "Mine," He growled. Ray felt himself shaking in front of Michael as he slipped a leg in between Ray's thighs. 

"Michael," he whined. He pulled him closer, back arching off the door. Michael pressed his knee into Ray's clothed dick, loving the way the boy moans for him. 

"Baby," He whispered into Ray's ear, nipping at the shell lightly. "You're so good for me, so good." Ray moaned at the words, Michael's voice dripping into his brain. Ray couldn't take it much longer. Michael's hands on his skin felt like electricity on his skin. Everything was too much. Everything was too soon. 

"I love you," Ray breathed. Hands tightened on his hips. Grinding increased. Ray shook. 

"Cum," Michael said, face pressed into Ray's neck. "Now." 

Ray would do anything for Michael. 

So he did. 

\- 

Ray felt sick the second he woke up. Dizziness and headaches, the aftershock of shrooms. He groaned, sitting up slowly in his bed. He felt stickiness in his jeans, wincing at the feeling. Had he had a wet dream? No, he was 27, a grown man. He hadn't had a wet dream since he was 15.

Wait, how did he even get here? He didn't remember heading home after-

Oh. 

Ray felt his cheeks redden. Quickly, he covered his face and groaned. He felt like a cheap whore. He mentally slapped himself for doing something like that in a god damn fast food restaurant. 

He could never go back to that place.

He picked up his phone from the floor, unlocking it slowly. The brightness hurt his head, but he couldn't turn it down anymore. It was already at the lowest. 

Opening messenger, he saw he had a text from Michael. He quickly pressed on his contact, opening the text. 

_Saturday, 4:24am_

_Michael: You're fucking hot when you're hopped up on shrooms ;)_

Oh Geez. 

He felt his face flush again, spreading to his neck and chest. 

He tossed his phone across his bed, groaning and running a hand trough his hair. He was so fucking gay for this guy.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight non-con drug use in this chapter!

It always seemed to start the same. 

Ray would be asleep on the couch, hours past from when he fell asleep. He would be woken with a text, then with a knock. He would slowly make his way to the door, unlock it, and open it. 

He really needed to get Michael a key. 

"Michael it's 4am-" 

He was interrupted with a kiss. Hands slipped behind his waist and to his back. 

"I missed you," Michael sighed, kissing down his jaw. Ray pushed him back slightly. 

"You taste like beer." 

Michael laughed. 

Ray felt himself being pulled towards the couch, so he followed, sitting next to Michael. He was pulled by his chin into a kiss, slow at first. He could tell Michael was impatient. 

"-Michael," Ray pulled back. "Dude what's up with you?" He watched as Michael dug into his pocket, Michael's eyes on his lips. 

"What's that?" Ray asked. Michael smiled and pulled out a small package. He opened it quickly, slipping it into his own mouth and pulling Ray in by the shirt roughly. He started kissing him deeply, all tongue and teeth. Ray felt the tablet being forced into his mouth by Michael's tongue. 

He tried to pull back, but Michael pulled him closer, making sure Ray didn't spit it out. Soon enough, Ray felt it completely dissolve. 

Michael leaned back, wiping his mouth on his sleeve. 

"What was that?" Ray asked, voice shaky. 

"Ecstasy." Michael leaned back, grabbing the remote form where it was on the coffee table, flipping Netflix on to a random movie. Ray curled up on himself.

"You could've just told me, I would have taken it," He mumbled. Michael wrapped his arm around Ray's shoulder. Ray felt butterflies in his stomach. 

"I know." 

The movie started, and Ray felt his worries dissolve every time Michael's hand rubbed his shoulder, pulling him closer and grounding him down to the present. 

Ray knew that soon, he would be a shaking mess in Michael's arms. Not from anxiety, not from side effects, but from what ecstasy does to him. 

He had it once before. A party in collage. Some guy gave it to him, convincing him it would make him feel better.

Ray had believed him.

He's pretty sure there's still videos on the internet of him from that night under the title, 'hot twink circle jerk'. 

Half an hour passes quickly. 

Ray feel's himself panting already.

"Michael," he whispered. He feels a hand on his thigh tighten. He doesn't remember it being there. It's cold to the touch, feeling nice against is too warm skin. He whines. 

"Baby," Michael said. Ray pulled on Michael's shirt. He needed to be closer. "Come here." 

Ray nodded.

He climbed into Michael's lap, straddling him and bowing his head slightly. It was too hot in the room, too much. 

Michael felt like ice against his skin. Ray loved it.

"Please," Ray said, unsure for what he was asking for, but Michael seemed to know. He always knew what Ray wanted. 

Michael ground his hips upward against Ray's. Ray arched his back, letting out a high pitch moan. Michael grabbed Ray's chin, pulling him closer. He exhaled just to the side of Ray's face. Ray slowly blinked down at him.

Eye's half lidded and on Ray, Michael presses the heel of his hand on his clothed dick, dragging it down hard and achingly slow. Ray moans open mouthed, hands gripping Michael's shoulders hard. 

"You want this?" Michael asks. Ray whines, unable to speak form all the blood rushing suddenly to his cock. "You want my cock, Ray?" Then let me see yours." 

Unable to think, Ray stands up, swaying slightly from the fog in his mind. He quickly pulled his jeans and boxers off, watching as Michael did the same, along with his shirt. He climbed back onto Michael. 

"Good boy," Michael sighs as Ray softly grabs his dick in his hand. He thumbs the slit, rubbing the precum down the shaft. He'd never seen anything more beautiful. 

He watches as Michael pulls a small tube out of his discarded pant's pocket. Lube. Michael smiles at him, and everything seems okay in that moment. 

"Ray, you look so fucking good like this," Michael said, dripping some lube onto his fingers Ray let go of Michael's dick. "All hot and squirming in my lap." Ray digs his nails into Michael's arms, moaning at the words that he can only half comprehend. He feels the press of fingers behind him. One slips in easily. 

"So loose for me," Michael mumbles, slipping in a second. Ray gasps at the stretch, shaking and panting. Michael scissors them, pumping two in and out slowly, then quicker. "So good." 

Another enters, and Ray moans when he feels them press against his prostate. He shakes, feeling a pool of precum drip onto Michael's lap. The fingers slip out. Ray whines. 

"What do you want, baby?" Michael asked, hands squeezing into the flesh of Ray's ass. 

"You," Ray pants. "Want your cock, want you inside-Michael-" Ray's whine is lost in Michael's mouth, kiss wet and deep. Michael's tongue slick against his. 

Ray feel's Michael's dick slide into him with ease, the ecstasy helping him relax slightly. He hears Michael groan as he slips in and bottoms out in one go, not letting Ray get used to it before he starts relentlessly pounding into him. 

It's fast and messy, Ray feeling limp in Michael's lap, hips gripped to control the movement. 

"Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful," Ray whispered, watching Michael's face. He smiled. 

"Mine," Michael growls, biting Ray's shoulder. 

" _Your's._ "

-

The first thing he noticed when he woke up was that Michael wasn't next to him. 

Ray sat up slowly, hips aching in protest. He rubbed his eyes, fixing his glasses on his face. It was cold in his living room, his shirt doing nothing to give him warmth. He picks up his phone from the coffee table. 

_Thursday, 6:43am_

_Michael: You're amazing in bed <3_

Ray sighed. Michael hadn't stayed long after they finished fucking. He knew that Michael had inconsistent hours for work, considering he was a drug dealer, but he could have stayed longer, right?

No, he shouldn't doubt Michael. He loved Ray, and Ray loved him. It had to have been important for Michael to leave him on the couch. 

Ray laid back down. Depressive thoughts crawled in through his brain. He tried to fight it, but it was hard. He was so tired, and Michael wasn't here to help him. 

Michael wasn't here to distract him.

Ray turned on his side, wincing at the wet feeling between his ass. He should shower soon, that would help him feel better. Right?


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took me so long! School had me busy for the last week before winter break. 
> 
> Trigger warnings for this chapter: Descriptive cocaine use, descriptive panic attack, emotional abuse

It was around 3 pm when Ray finally trudged into work. 

He was an hour late with a headache, but he knew his boss would mind that much. Gamestop didn't get that many customers unless there was an early release. Plus, this wasn't the first time. 

"Ray!" Geoff said as he entered the store. There were only a few people browsing the games, obviously only looking. 

"Hey, boss man," Ray said as he walked behind the counter. He set his backpack down on the floor, yawning as he slipped his work shirt on over his tee. 

"Woah, dude you look like shit." Geoff handed him a red bull from the mini fridge they keep under the counter. Ray took it and thanked him. "You been sleepin' alright?" 

Ray shrugged as he tabbed the can open. He knew the truth was him stressing over Michael. Not to mention the increase of drug use in his life constantly. He wondered if his headache would ever end. 

"Just didn't sleep last night," Ray said. "No biggie." It wasn't really a lie. He couldn't remember the last time he had slept a full night without waking up with a panic attack. He watched as Geoff checked out a customer, leaning his weight against the counter. 

"You know," Geoff said as he shoved the cash into the register. "If you need a day or two off, you can tell me." The customer left, leaving the store empty for the time being. Geoff pulled out a flask from under the counter. Typical. 

"Thanks," Ray smiled. He watched Geoff take a sip from the flask, setting it back down quickly when a family walked in. Ray headed into the break room slowly, laughing softly as Geoff dealt with the customers, obviously a bit buzzed. 

The back room light flickered to life as Ray flipped the switch on. He sat in one of the chairs surrounding the table, pulling out his phone and turning it on.

_Sunday, 3:24pm_

_Michael: Baby,_

_Michael: Guess what_

_Ray: What?_

_Michael: I got something better than xtc ;)_

_Ray: What is it?_

_Michael: A surprise_

_Michael: Meet me at your place at 10 <3_

Ray felt his cheeks warm. He quickly slipped his phone back into his pocket, ignoring the fluttering in his chest. He knew that Michael would bring more drugs to his house, wanting Ray to indulge with him. Ray would, of course. He wanted to make Michael happy. 

And if Ray wasn't there with Michael during drug trips, who would be? 

This was better than Michael on the streets high off his ass. He could protect Michael and be with him in case anything went wrong. 

He could do that for someone he loved so much.

Ray slipped back out of the break room. He didn't want to leave a tipsy Geoff alone with customers for too long, things would start to go downhill. Moms would be angry and Dads would be disappointed. 

-

Ray felt someone wrap their arms around his back as he unlocked his apartment door. He smiled softly, leaning back against the presence. 

"Michael," He said, feeling the arms tighten and lightly push him through the open doorway. The door closed behind him with a kick, echoing through the house. 

"Ray," Michael sang slightly. He moved in front of Ray, hands in his pockets. "I have a present for you." He smiled and walked over to the living room. Ray followed obediently. 

"What is it?" He asked, sitting next to Michael. He watched as Michael dug around in his backpack, pulling out a small plastic baggie with white powder in it. Ray shifted uncomfortably. "Michael-" 

"This is the best stuff you can get in the streets," Michael smiled, pulling out a straw and mirror. 

"Michael wait-" 

"Spent $150 on it too!" He set the baggie on the mirror in front of him, looking up at Ray with the biggest smile. "Just for you."

"Michael!" Ray raised his voice, grabbing the arm that was reaching for the bag again. Michael looked at him with wide eyes. "I-" Ray sighed, letting go of his arm. He ran a hand through his hair slowly. "I'm not comfortable with this. With cocaine." 

"What?" 

"The other stuff was... fine but-" He bit his lip. "-but this is over the line." 

" _This_ is over the line?" Michael's eyebrows furrowed. "This?" 

"Michael-"

"Not shrooms, not ecstasy, but this?" 

"Listen-" 

"NO!" Michael stood up quickly, hands balled at his sides in rage. Ray flinched as Michael raised one quickly. "I paid for this for you!" He yelled. "You are supposed to thank me!" 

"Michael, please listen." Ray grabbed Michael's hand, falling onto the floor as Michael yanked it out of his grip. He felt his arms burn from sliding onto the rug. 

"I thought you were cooler than this Ray," Michael said. He grabbed the mirror and baggie, shoving it into his backpack harshly. Ray felt himself curl into a ball. "But I guess I was wrong." 

Michael stomped to the doorway, opening the door and slamming it behind him. Ray felt his heartbeat in his throat, drumming against his chest and making his whole body shake. He laid down in a ball on the floor, wheezing into his hands and feeling tears slide down his red cheeks, carpet cold on his side.

 _Michael,_ He would have said. _My friend overdosed on cocaine a year back._ He would have sighed. _I'm not comfortable with being near it._ He would have cried. 

Hands fisted in his hair, unknowingly his own. He choked on his own spit, snot running down his mouth and sobs loud. Panic ran down his spine as he thought of his long dead friend at the funeral, open casket and pale skin. He had promised himself to never go that far down. He would never be in the situation Dan had been in before he died. 

He remembered Dan's apartment. Beer bottles littered the floor along with old pizza boxes. He could smell the mold and dirt emitting from his friend. White powder under his bloody nose, eyes glazed over red. 

He sobbed into his hands, missing Michael's touch, Michael's smile, Michael's words.

Ray would have done anything for Michael.

Anything, but that.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (For foreshadowing, after reading this chapter listen to Phased Out if you haven't already. Be ready to cry after)

It was way too early for his phone to be ringing. 

Ray sat up slowly from where he was on the floor, his hips aching in protest. He probably should have gotten back on the couch after Michael left. 

Michael.

He quickly fixed his glasses from where they were asque on his nose, looking around for his Michael. 

Oh.

Right.

Michael had left last night. 

It was his fault, wasn't it? He should have just gone along with it. At the very least for Michael. Who knows where Michael is right now. He could be coked out in some alley, or in fucking jail for all Ray knows. 

His phone rang again, obnoxiously playing the nut shack theme. 

Ray grabbed his phone and leaned against the couch, answering it quickly. He really just wanted to go back to sleep after what happened last night. He didn't want to have to think or speak to anyone. 

"Hello?" He mumbled into the receiver. 

"Mornin' Ray."

Ray felt panic prickle up his skin as he heard Michael's voice. Fuck, he's okay. He's okay. He felt relief rush through his veins. Michael was okay, and that's all that mattered. 

"Morning..." 

He heard Michael sigh on the other side. 

"Listen, Ray," He started. "I'm really, really sorry about yesterday. I should have just listened to you. Forgive me?" 

Ray smiled into his hand. 

Of course, he forgives Michael.

He loves him. 

"Yeah, I forgive you." 

"Good." 

There was a knock at his door, then two. Ray groaned and got up, phone still against his ear.

"Hold on, someone's at the door," He told Michael as he unlocked and opened the door. 

His smile caught him by surprise. It was genuine, calm, in love. 

Michael smiled at him from the hallway, phone at his ear as well. 

"Well," Michael said, slipping his phone into his jacket pocket. "Who was at the door?" 

Ray rolled his eyes and pulled Michael into his apartment, shutting the door behind him. 

"What are you doing here?" He asked, smiling up at him. 

"Thought I'd bring you an 'I'm sorry' gift." Michael reached into his hoodie pocket, pulling out a glass pipe, purple and gold in color. Ray took it in his hands carefully. 

"Thank you," He whispered. Michael had never given him a real gift before. Tears welled in his eyes slowly, though quickly forgotten as Michael touched his shoulder softly.

"Come on," Michael said, pulling him across the room. "Let's try it out!" 

Ray laughed, following the man to the glass sliding door, leading to his small balcony. He watched Michael slide the door open, pushing it closed behind them as Ray followed. The cold air nipped at Ray's cheeks. 

Michael shivered and leaned against the railing, watching Ray. He smiled when Ray blushed. He slowly slid down in front of the railing, legs dangling off the cement. Ray followed suit, legs touching. 

"Got the best kush too," Michael smiled. He reached into his pocket and pulled out an orange medicine bottle. He opened it carefully, grabbing the pipe back from Ray. He packed it full as Ray pulled out his purple lighter. "Just for you." 

Ray flushed as Michael handed him the pipe back. He pressed it to his lips gently as he lit the bottom of the glass. Smoke slowly filled his lungs. He watched the city, the cars, the few stars he could see in the sky. Michael took the pipe gently from him. 

He leaned his head against the cold metal rail in front of him, watching Michael as he exhaled smoke. His heart fluttered when Michael caught him staring. 

Ray didn't remember how much time had passed, or even how many hits he had taken. Everything seemed to blend together when he was with Michael. Time, space, even his words. They all became one. They all became Michael's. 

"You know," Michael started, passing the bowl back to Ray. Ray gripped it softly, watching Michael's lips form words that would burn into his brain. "I think I wanna be an electrician." 

"An electrician?" Ray asked. He laughed, leaning his head back slightly. "Really?" 

"Hey! Don't laugh at my dreams!" Michael pouted. Ray smiled at him softly apologizing half-heartedly. 

"Why an electrician?" 

"Well, I know a lot about that kind of shit." Michael laid back on the concrete beneith him. "And I don't really need a college degree for that." 

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Might get a nice house in the suburbs too," He smiled softly, eyes now closed. Ray watched him. "Get a nice housewife, few kids, maybe a dog to keep 'em occupied." Michael seemed to laugh at the thought. "You know, sometime in the future. Few years after I clean up." 

Ray pulled his knees to his chest. He shook slightly. his head resting on his arms. 

"What about me?" Ray mumbled. 

Michael stayed quiet. Ray thought maybe he hadn't heard him. Or maybe Michael had never planned to keep him around like Ray had. Michael sat up slowly, eyes to the sky. Ray could feel himself crying. 

"You know I love you, right?" 

Ray breaks out in a sob. He feels Michael's hands on his back, shoulders, neck. Michael doesn't pull him into a hug. Michael doesn't whisper relief into his ears. Michael doesn't kiss him. 

He keeps Ray grounded with touch. Keeps him in today, on this cold porch with the love of his life. 

And that's more than enough for Ray. 

He wipes his tears away shamefully. He shouldn't be crying like this in front of Michael. This isn't what Michael would want to see. Ray looks at the redheaded boy, seeing that Michael was still staring across the city, eyes unfocused. 

"Michael?" 

He turned slowly. There were bags under Michael's eyes that he hadn't noticed before. His cheekbones were more prominent. 

"Yeah, baby?" Michael asked, his smile clouding Ray's thoughts. He couldn't remember what he was going to say, though it didn't matter. 

Ray smiled, as he shook his head. Michael laughed and turned back to the city, eyes blurred from the lights. 

"You're a weird guy, Ray." Michael sighed. He felt Michael's hand over his own, holding him in this moment. 

"Yeah." Ray sighed, his smile sleepy as the cars drove by. "I guess I am."


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this chapter is so short!   
> Only one more left!!!

A week had passed since Ray had last heard anything from Michael. No texts, no calls, no late-night visits. It felt empty in his apartment without Michael. There was no cheery laughs, no arm wrapped around his shoulders soothingly, no comfort. 

Just,

nothing. 

Ray wished he could have said he wasn't anxious. He wished he could say he wasn't having a panic attack any time his phone would buzz or he heard someone climbing up the stairs. He wished he could be more calm about not knowing where Michael was, or even if he was alive.

He had called out from work for the past few days, using the excuse that he was sick. Geoff knew better, though. He told Ray he could have off as long as he needed this month. the new guy was covering it anyway. Ray appreciated the offer, but he only needed two weeks before he would give up and move on from waiting for Michael.

Since Michael had stopped coming to see Ray, he hadn't done any drugs since. Withdrawal came and went quickly, blurred in with anxiety and depression. He hadn't remembered the last time he did laundry, refusing to wash the hoodie Michael had left so long ago. It no longer smelled like him, But Ray could still pretend it did. 

Empty $1 Ramen cups littered his kitchen floor, plastic forks hidden in the mold. Ray didn't mind if his apartment was trashed. He couldn't find the energy to care anymore. 

Geoff had come by a few times to bring him food, feeling pity for the boy. He tried to pry, tried to figure out what was happening with Ray to make him be like this, but Ray was a locked door to everyone. He didn't want to admit that he missed Michael this much. 

As Ray sat on his couch, cigarette smoke floating through the room, He blocked out all thoughts with Mario Kart and Super Sunshine. Mind numblingly easy games, the perfect thing for Ray right now.

The buzzing in his pocket caught Ray by surprise. He had been trying to distract himself with video games, which usually did work. Quickly, he pulled his phone out, not recognizing the number. He answered. 

"A prisoner from Travis State Jail is trying to contact you, If you would like to accept this call, please press one, If you-" 

Ray pressed one faster than he would have admitted. He didn't know what to expect on the other side. 

Ringing. 

Ringing. 

"Hello?" Michael's voice came through the receiver quietly. Ray could feel his chest tighten, tears already welling in his eyes. "Ray? Are you there?" 

"I thought you died," Ray sobbed, covering his mouth quickly. He didn't want to sound weak. He wanted to sound like he was strong, still in control of his life and surroundings, but Michael's voice did strange things to his head. 

"Sorry," Michael whispered. There was other voices on the phone, sounding distant from Michael. 

"Where are you?" Ray knew the answer, but he didn't want to believe it until he actually heard it from Michael. 

"Jail." 

"Why?" 

"I uh," Michael let out a sigh. "I got arrested for selling cocaine to a minor and-" He paused, Ray could feel himself curl up in his head, dissociation taking hold. "-and being high on it." 

Ray wiped his tears on Michael's hoodie sleeves. He knew eventually it would come to this. It was inevitable. 

"How long?" He asked. 

"Three years." 

"Is there a bail? I'll pay it-" 

"No," Michael sounded angry, voice harsh. "My trial already passed. I'm set for three years, okay?" Ray nodded, knowing that Michael wouldn't see it. He wished he could have done something for Michael. 

They sat in silence for awhile, neither of them knowing what to say. Michael sighed into the phone. 

"Will you be okay?" 

Ray heard Michael laugh at the question. There was shuffling on the other side, a quick exchange of words, then a sigh. 

"Listen, Ray," He started. "I have to go now. I probably wont be able to contact you that much, I don't have a lot of phone privileges." Ray could feel himself shake again, tears streaming down his face. He didn't want Michael to leave him. He didn't want to be alone. He could feel panic start in his chest again, a familiar feeling.

"Okay," He stuttered. He sobbed into the phone.

Ray didn't want to let go. 

"Will you wait for me, Ray?" 

Ray managed to sob out a yes through his tears. He didn't want to have to be alone for three years. He didn't want to leave Michael. 

"I love you," Ray said, wrapping an arm around himself. He heard birds chirping outside. The sun peaked through his blinds softly, illuminating his face. 

"Goodbye." 

The phone call ended. A repetitive tone was all Ray could hear, but he kept the phone pressed to his cheek, hoping Michael would start laughing, saying it was all a joke, he was alright! 

That never came. 

The tone continued, never ending in his ear. Through one, out the other.

He set his phone down.

It died shortly after, Ray unmoving from where he was. He couldn't tell how much time had passed since the call, all he knew was that he was alone.


	8. Chapter 8

Ray couldn't remember the last time he had thought of Michael. Two years? Maybe three? He knew it had been longer since he was contacted by him, the last time he received a call being a week after he was put in prison. Ray didn't mind though, he had his own life now. 

He had changed for the better. 

Ray sighed as he walked into the grocery store. He didn't mean to start thinking about his ex again, he was usually better than this. He usually could go weeks without thinking of him, only to break down for a night, flashbacks and all. Ray knew Michael was gone and not coming back for him, and he was okay with that. He had moved on. 

The local grocery store greeted him with cold air as he stepped into the automatic doors. Ray grabbed a basket, knowing he wasn't getting much. He pulled out his list, scanning it one more time before heading to the dairy aisle, slipping the list back into his hoodie pocket. 

He went trough the aisles slowly, not needing to rush today. He had nothing else planned. He could take his time. 

After grabbing bread, milk, and a few other things, he was finally done. Ray pulled out his list one more time, going over the items quickly. 

There was a tap on his shoulder, hesitant and unsure. Ray slowly turned around, expecting an old woman looking for something, but no.

It was him. 

"Ray?" Michael asked, hair shorter than he had remembered. His glasses were missing now, and he looked more muscular. Ray felt his heart beat faster, unsure if it was anxiety or something more.

"Oh, Michael." 

They stood in silence for a second, unsure what to say anymore. They hadn't seen each other in so long. Ray adjusted the hold he had on his basket. 

"Oh um, are you busy?" Michael asked, hand rubbing the back of his neck. Ray shook his head. 

"I'm actually about to leave, if you wanna walk with me home?" 

Michael laughed awkwardly, but ended up agreeing. They made their way to the check out lanes, Ray choosing the self serving one for a quicker escape. Michael helped him bag the groceries and soon they were back outside, walking down the sidewalk together, Michael carrying half and Ray the other.

"So," Ray started, keeping his eyes down to his feet. "How was, uh, you know-"

"Prison?" Michael finished for him. 

"Yeah."

"It was fine," He started. "Pretty boring honestly. 'Was nothing like i'd expected." 

"That's good... I guess," He said. Ray couldn't take the awkward atmosphere. He was used to easy conversation with Michael, joking around and inside jokes. Something had changed between them.

They walked in silence for awhile. Ray wanted to ask if Michael was sober now, if he finally had a house and a wife like he said he would, all those years ago. He felt resentment for Michael back then, jealous of how together his life seemed. But Ray had realized soon after Michael left that his life was not together. Michael's life had been a mess of drugs and fights, homelessness and prostitution. Nothing that Ray wanted for himself. 

Ray silently thanked Michael for being caught with drugs that one day. He couldn't stand to imagine what his life would be like if Michael had stayed in his life. 

"So uh," Michael said, a half smile on his face. "I was wondering if you wanted to do something later," He shifted the bags in his hand. "You know, shrooms or some shit. I've got some ecstasy back home." 

He was still doing drugs. 

Of course.

What else could he expect from Michael. 

Nothing had changed about Michael, he didn't know why he would have thought that. Michael was still the same person he was three years ago.

"Michael-" Ray sighed. "-I don't do that shit anymore." 

"You're clean?"

"Well, no." Ray laughed softly. "My uh, my fiance smokes with me sometimes, but that's it." 

A pause. Ray could feel his chest tighten. He knew he had to tell Michael eventually or he would still try to go after him. 

"Fiance," Michael sighed.

"Yeah." 

"What's his name?"

Ray bit his lip, a flush coming up on his face. He hadn't been engaged for long, but he had been there for Ray since Michael left him. 

"Ryan," Ray said, a soft smile on his face. "His name is Ryan." 

Michael smiled, though Ray could tell it wasn't for him. It was painful. 

They finally stopped in front of Ray's new apartment complex. They stood there silently, facing each other but avoiding eye contact. Ray's heart hurt for Michael. 

"Well, tell Ryan I said congratulations," Michael said with a sad smile. he handed Ray the groceries. "He really-" A pause, "-He really got a good one." 

Ray could feel his eyes tear up. 

He didn't want Michael to leave him again.

"I will," Ray said. 

"Bye then," Michael half waved as he headed back down the sidewalk. "See you later, Ray." 

"Yeah," Ray whispered. He felt the tears slip down his face slowly. He knew he wouldn't see Michael again somehow. He had to be okay with it. He was with Ryan. He had a dog with Ryan.

Ryan would make it okay. 

Ryan.

He needed to go inside.

Ray turned around quickly, opening his front door and slamming it behind him. He looked around his house, tears still trailing down. 

"Ray?" 

He turned around. Ryan was standing in the doorway to his study, arms crossed. 

Ray placed the groceries on the floor as Ryan walked forward. He closed his eyes as arms wrapped around his frame. Finally, he let himself break down. 

"Dear, what's wrong?" Ryan asked. He sounded so concerned that it made Ray sob harder, arms reaching up for Ryan's shoulders. He pressed his face into Ryan's chest. 

"I-I saw Michael-" He said, only half comprehensible through the crying. Ray could feel Ryan tighten his hold on Ray. "He-He's okay." 

Fingers combed through his hair softly, calming him down to soft hiccuping, hands still tangled in Ryan's shirt. 

"It's okay, Ray," Ryan whispered. "You're okay." 

Ray nodded slowly, heart no longer hurting for Michael. He knew that Ryan was right, he was okay, or would be soon. 

He smiled softly in Ryan's arms 

"I'm okay." 

-

The news channel numbed Ryan's mind as he leaned back on the couch, Charlie, their dog, on his lap. Ray was streaming on twitch, so Ryan had nothing better to do than this. 

"-Our president elect is meeting with congress to talk about future plans for the United States-" 

Ryan groaned and picked up the remote. In no way did he want to hear about that yam of a man. He lifted the remote slowly.

-"In other news, a young man named Michael Jones, local drug dealer just out of prison, was found dead in a motel, we suspect over dose by cocaine. More details to follo-" 

Ryan turned the TV off quickly. He waited for any sign of Ray, any sighs or sobs, but he heard nothing, thankfully. 

Ray had told Ryan about Michael years ago, a few weeks after they first met at work, so he knew their relationship. It had been unhealthy, abusive, drug-induced, nothing that Ryan wanted for his fiance. Half of Ryan was glad that Michael was no longer here, no longer able to hurt Ray. Yet again, that was a dangerous thought. Ray was connected with Michael in a way he could never be, and he was okay with that. 

Ryan heard the study door open. A few soft steps later, arms were wrapped around his shoulders. He smiled as Charlie shifted in his sleep.

"How was the stream, Love?" 

Ray huffed softly. 

"How did you know it was me?" Ray asked, pretending to be annoyed. Ryan sighed and kissed his fiance's hand.

"Because I know what my fiance sounds like." 

Michael had been a phase for Ray. Nothing more, nothing less. In a year he would slowly forget what Michael had looked like. He would slowly forget Michael, 

Slowly, but surely, he would heal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! It's finally over! Thank you so much for reading this small story! (Hopefully you don't hate me because Michael died)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed, please leave kudos and comments! <3


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